We interrupt this battle to ground this story in a historical context. Ahem. . . the year is some time after the discovery and spread of gunpowder to Europe. Most commonly used by the British navy were blunderbusses, a large and unwieldy weapon with low accuracy but high impact at close range. They took about thirty seconds to load, or, in Cap’n Good Lookin’ terms, a short monologue. Coincidentally, you feel a sharp, bursting pain in your hinterlands, and you get a strange feeling that you lost a valuable member of the crew…

Before you pass out you see a man in snazzy shades descend an ornate staircase. ‘Now it looks like the hand is on the other foot!’ You gasp, either from surprise or from other related feelings you aren’t ready to unpack yet. He takes your snazzy, feathered hat and carefully brushes the dust off before donning it. ‘See ya around, Good Lookin’.’

• Piss yourself and pass out from profuse blood loss (Page 12)
• Maintain some dignity and pass out from profuse blood loss (Page 12)
• :o (and pass out from blood loss) (Page 12)
• Attempt to say something dramatic back to the son of a bitch (Page 9)