Male

1. Good wrist exercise
2. You dream of retiring early and spending the rest of your days with the gorgeous Valentina (your betrothed) aboard your good yacht “Bountiful”
3. Tell future employers you wrote an article called “Art Projects you can do with your penis” for a campus publication
4. Support our troops!
5. You wish to one day find yourself on your very own white-sand beach with your Italian princess, Valentina,  sipping coconut froth and feasting upon roast capon and pheasant.
6. You wanna make pa proud, you want to make pa so proud
7. Impress the girlies!

Female

1. Engage with the nuances inherent within society
2. Enjoy the benefits of a close-knit & hardworking community
3. Develop your satirical writing skills and translate those skills into daily academic life
4. Make poignant social commentary
5. Learn from and build with other club members to create something meaningful shared with the community at large.
6. Impress the girlies!

Non-binary

1. Tear apart the gender binary through the power of satirical commentary 
2. Enjoy hanging out with a bunch of cis-men who think they’re very funny
3. Come and eat the complimentary peanuts!
4. We’re saving up for a snow cone machine (yes, really)
5. Impress the girlies!

So come, sweet child: Ciao Bella!