You take your trusty jar of coconut oil and begin to wax the bald man’s very bald head. He does not appreciate this gesture and
You look like a million doubloons, gain +5 bravery points. The gnome-like man looks covetously at your hat, and you become suddenly conscientious of his
You really want to seduce the gnome-like man, huh. Well look no further! Introducing the long awaited Cap’n Good Lookin’ Dating Sim! Dating options include:
He blushes and folds it up carefully before storing it safely in his wallet. “Well that’s a nice lookin’ hat you got there today cap’n.”
You ramble along these lines ‘til you’re blue in the face. You black out. (page 1)
“Ye’ve been holed up in yer quarters fer nigh on two weeks. And why d’ya ‘ave all those bumps on yer noggin’-melon? Frankly, cap’n, the
You attempt to open what you thought were portholes, but quickly realize that they are actually a series of murals written and produced by distinguished
A strange gnome-like man hobbles through the door. He looks around for a bit. Your stealth is impeccable. He doesn’t leave though, and you realize
You open the door and punch the kindly old man in the teeth. He begins to bawl. You reevaluate all of your life choices and
You feel more complete than you ever have before. Behind where the hat was hanging up, there is a small mirror with a note on
Yeah, the lights are on and you seem to be in the most luxurious of brigs. It has a poster. It’s a self-portrait of you.