You feel more complete than you ever have before. Behind where the hat was hanging up, there is a small mirror with a note on it that says “Lookin’ good. . . Good Lookin’!” You hear a knock on the door. “Reportin’ fer duty cap’n!”

• Knock his teeth out. Bloody pirate! (page 4)
• Stand in front of the self portrait and plot a mutiny. (page 5)
• Abandon hope. Roll saving throw. To the portholes! (page 6)