In a press conference on Tuesday, President Monaco announced that it is now illegal at Tufts to use the word “______.” This announcement comes after what the Office of Student Affairs is calling “The Month of ______,” a time period of four weeks in which 80% of the calls received by Ears for Peers were related to incidents involving the word “______.”

“The Month of ______ caught us by storm,” said spokesperson Fandy Dickenbrikker. “______ has become a serious issue here at Tufts and at universities all over the country. We’re not the first ones to address ______, but it horrifies me that we even have to. It is ______, dis______, and completely un______able.”

“______,” added Monaco, “without a doubt. It will be ______ed as soon as our administration can ______.”

This new rule will require some especially drastic changes from the student group “Tufts ______.” In an interview with ______’s president, Jepper “The Little ______” Bacaba, the Zamboni got a student take on the situation.

“It’s just so unfortunate that people took a decent word like that and turned it into something awful.” ______ explained. “Our e-board is currently working on changing our name, and we’re encouraging our members not to wear our old apparel. Also please don’t put that down as my nickname, that’s not okay.”

It is unclear what exactly the consequences will be of using the word “______,” but as is apparent, there will be ______, possibly worse. The Zamboni encourages students to avoid all use of “______” until more information ______s.

*This article was censored by the Tufts Administrative Team in accordance to Section 9, Article 24 of the Fall 2018 Bill Update: “Dibblesmak”