Nobody Really Sure if Student in Tisch Laughing or Crying

Monday, October 22

As students were preparing to leave Tufts University’s Tisch Library in the wee hours of Monday morning, one student remained. Each passing student made their guess on what was causing their body to shudder every few seconds.  “I definitely think they were crying”, said junior Clay Edgar Hoover. “People get really stressed out by midterms, and I think crying is a fairly normal response. I do think that we should do some further investigation, though – maybe see what they were texting their friends about.”

 “I disagree,” said Clay’s friend, sophomore Heath Alexander. “I think they’ve gone insane. Midterms have broken them, and they can do nothing else but laugh.” Heath agreed, however, that checking the student’s digital communications would be a good idea. “You can learn a lot about a person by checking their phone,” he stated in a suspiciously knowing voice.

As Mysterious Pool Expands, Jury Still Out on Laugh/Cry Debate

Wednesday, October 24

Since early Monday morning, a strange dark mark has grown around the ambiguously shaking student in Tufts University’s Tisch Library’s Hirsch Reading Room. The floor is wet, and the table has begun to show signs of water damage. This adds another interesting wrinkle to the discussion in the dining halls, with one subject on everybody’s minds — are they laughing or crying? Our eyewitnesses from the beginning of this developing drama weighed in. 

Junior Clay maintained that the student was in tears: “I think that there’s no way they’re laughing. I… heard from a friend… that they sent a 3-paragraph long text to an associate about how much work they had at about 11:00 Sunday night.  If that doesn’t indicate ‘I’m about to cry’, I don’t know what does.” 

Sophomore Heath Alexander maintained his disagreement. “They were still liking memes on Instagram and sending joking snapchats after that – one was sent at 12:47 AM – and not ‘I’m gonna kill myself’ jokes either.” Alexander stated that he believed that they had seen a meme that made them laugh, and in their emotional state, had been “entirely unable to cope with the flood of emotion that a post from @[expletive]jerry can induce.”

“Weird about the water, though,” the two students agreed.  Their theories were tentative – a roof leak, or possibly a rogue water nymph – and they could not reach agreement.

Tisch Reading Room Enveloped by Flood – Student Opinion Begins to Swing Towards Laughter

Friday, October 26

As the portion of the windows covered by mysterious salty waters grew, student discussion remained firmly on the still-shaking figure in the back right corner of Tufts University’s Somerville-Medford Campus’s Tisch Library’s Hirsch Reading Room. Students continued to question if the student was laughing or crying. Two students previously interviewed had some interesting perspectives to share as eyewitnesses to the start of the saga. 

Clay Edgar Hoover said, “I still think they’re crying. So sad from midterms. They might be laughing, though. I’ve shifted more towards the middle. The situation is under control, I don’t think it’s newsworthy anymore.” His friend, Heath Alexander, maintained his opposition, saying, “Laughing. I told you this. Stop digging.” Other students also had some interesting takes. One sophomore said, “I don’t think it’s laughing or crying. I don’t think it’s even human, for that matter.” The reading room became the talk of students on and off campus. 

A sophomore named John Doe who we met a mile down Boston Avenue told us that all his friends were talking about it: “Something scary is going on here. I have no idea who those people you were interviewing were, but nobody had ever seen them before Monday. There’s something very dark going on in that room. I swear, I don’t believe in God, but I’ve been praying all week. I think it’s an alien.” After a short pause, he corrected himself, “I hope it’s an alien.” We’re told Tisch will be closed for an indefinite period while the student is cheered up if they’re crying, or calmed down if they’re laughing. It’s always nice to see that our school cares about the mental health of its students. This is a classic Tufts problem, we really are quirky! 

Author’s note: If you’re the unnamed sophomore interviewed in this article, please get in touch! You left with your two very big friends before we could finish the interview – we want to give you credit!