MEDFORD, MASS: On January 25th, 2018, 21-year-old Chad Parker thought he was going on a date with Katie Roberts, a woman he had met on Tinder, but was unpleasantly surprised at the appearance of who showed up at the restaurant. “She didn’t look like her picture at all!” he exclaimed.

After some long hours on the case, the Zamboni’s investigative team discovered that the photos Roberts used in her profile were in fact, of her. When interviewed, she stated “I don’t know what Chad’s problem was. I used pictures of me in good lighting, and when my makeup looked good. Doesn’t everybody use flattering photos of themselves for online dating?”

When Parker was relayed this information, he replied “She was wearing makeup too? Just goes to show you gotta take ‘em swimming on the first date, am I right fellas?”

The fellas have yet to respond, as our investigative team is all women.

Parker has reached out to popular reality show Catfished in order to “catch her red-handed.” The producers had blocked him in response to the crude tweet sent to the show’s host, Nev Schulman. The tweet read, “Catfish this, asshole.” Attached was a picture of Parker’s genitalia.

Regardless of the tweet, our team attempted to explain to him that Roberts simply knows her angles, and therefore she would not qualify for the show.

“Just goes to show you that you really can’t trust what people put online, or women in general. Like, at all, forever, for infinity. Am I right, fellas?” remarked Parker in a Zamboni interview. He then put his hand up for a high five.

This was still an all-women reporting team, so our crew left him there. He has been waiting for his high five ever since.