A Tale by Parsnip Slipper

Behold, faire listeners, a tale of harrowing hardship, suspense, and yellowed leather. A tale of a man: bold, blissful—causing a stir, a buzz, if you will.

Attorney Buster Buzzing, had always lived an enigmatic life. A young divorcee, he operated a hitherto successful law firm that dealt in patent law for the field of food sciences. His former wife, Karen Buzzing (née Whistle-Bits), had been his longtime partner, but ran off with rival attorney Howard Crisp following Buster’s gradual descent into total morbid obesity. Now, Buster had not always been this way, as he observed a strict diet, consuming only animals he managed to catch using his open mouth. But, alas, he had become far too skillful in this exercise. Soon, he became capable of tearing off the calf muscle of a grown man in 12 seconds flat. In time, he soon grew large enough to occupy entire meeting halls, making it nigh impossible to continue to operate his practice as he had. His wife, in turn, grew disgusted with his size and behavior, taking away Buster’s most cherished dependents: his dearest children.

Buster, his heart clogged with plaque and grief, would spend the next several months of his life watching day-time television, eating pure coconut oil (for the flavor), and letting his savings account dwindle to nothingness. In spite of relinquishing the diet that had made him so overweight, he found himself continuing to grow, alongside his depression.

One day, while watching Korean soap operas, B. Buzzing encountered a novel idea for how to seize his precious, soft children. In watching one particular program’s regularly-scheduled ad block, our hero withdrew great inspiration, honey. It’s sweet, it’s sticky, and it had yet to be realized for its lethal potential. Wrapping his bulbous abdomen in soft, yellowed cashmere and crisply tanned leather, Buster assumed the form of a giant, humanoid honeybee.

Wiping his chin of phlegm, sweat, and food particles, Buster exclaimed, “Karen, I’m coming for those goddamn kids!”

To be Continued?