Wolf: Hello America. I’m Wolf Blitzer. I’m honored to be hosting the 2020 presidential debate. Please welcome the candidates, the Democratic nominee Kanye “Yeezus” West, incumbent exalted leader Donald Trump, and independent candidate Harambe. My first question is for Mr. Trump. Do you believe that your wife is hotter than Kanye’s?

Trump: Well, believe me Wolf, Melania is such an excellent first lady, I mean Kim Kardashian has a decent ass, but Melania isn’t just the first lady, she’s the first first lady to be a 10. Well, except maybe Dolly Madison. Now Dolly is something else. We shared many intimate moments together, believe me Wolf, if you could see what I did with Dolly Madison, you would be touching yourself. But yeah, my wife is just great.

Wolf: But Mr. Trump, you do realize that Dolly Madison died in the 19th century right? She was the wife of James…

Kanye: Look Wolf, imma let you finish, but just know that Abigail Adams was, without a doubt, the finest bitch to ever occupy the oval office.

Trump: Oh please, Abigail Adams was flat-chested. She’s a five, maybe a six.

Wolf: Okay, guys we’re getting off topic here. The question was solely about your own wives. Let me now ask Harambe a question. Mr. Harambe, you received 15,000 votes in the last election without spending any money on your campaign. How do you plan on expanding your coalition of voters?

Harambe: (Growls, beats chest)

Wolf: Yes, I know that you received more votes than any non-human ape in history. But how do you plan on expanding…

Kanye: Look, Wolf, Imma let you finish, but I got to hop in here. I am YEEZUS! I am a genius! I’m tight with the Lord Jesus himself! We talk often, and just yesterday he told me to tell Donald Trump that you’re an orange bitch! Oooh, what a burn. Yeezy’s out.

Wolf: Mr. Trump, would you like to respond?

Trump: Sure, Wolf. I’ve been hearing many different things from many different people recently. They’re saying things like Donald, you’re great, you’ve made America great again, you’ve built a wall and made the president of Mexico pay for it in exchange for blowing him. Just yesterday, they said Donald you’re gonna win bigly again.

Wolf: Wait, you gave the president of Mexico a blowjob? Is this true, Mr. Trump?

Trump: Yeah. Wait, i mean no. No, Mike Pence, I didn’t say that!

Wolf: Well, that was a surprising revelation. Harambe, your thoughts?

Harambe: (Growls)