MEDFORD/SOMERVILLE – If you’ve walked around the Tufts campus recently, you’ve probably heard more complaining than usual, and not just about the Carm Pancakes or Tony Monaco’s Don Corleone impression. Instead, the buzz is about the new Tufts Shuttle, or “poop-mobile,” the biggest problem Tufts has had since the university’s founding in 2002.

The Tufts Shuttle, or “Satan’s Minivan” as some say, which is making a simple trip to Davis harder than hiding a bird in your jacket during EC-5, replaced the Joey this year when most of the Joey fleet became trapped in a parking garage after someone lost the ticket. Said junior Juliet Schneider, “I was never a huge fan of the Joey, with its sticky seats and that guy who lived in the back corner, so I was really looking forward to the new Tufts Shuttle.” However, excitement quickly faded as problems with the new shuttle arose.

One of the major issues people have had with the new shuttle, commonly referred to as “that fucking bus?”, is that the schedule provided online is closer to a list of saddeningly rough estimates.The mathematics department is among the few factions that enjoy the switch, as the actual shuttle arrival times have given them one of the world’s top random number generators. Everyone else, however, is forced to use an online shuttle tracker, another issue entirely.

Due to what experts have hypothesized as “some bullshit,” the online maps meant to show the exact location of the shuttle are constantly on the fritz. Occasionally, the location of the shuttle simply doesn’t appear on the map, and when it does, it’s often overlain on a map of downtown Spokane. Sometimes, the tracking website simply redirects to another website, such as the Craigslist missed connections page or to some half-assing COMP 15 student’s broken Boggle game.

When asked to assist in these technical problems, the computer science department said that all their efforts were currently focused on recoding Tony Monaco’s Tinder account so that people couldn’t unmatch with him anymore.

Another issue grinding the gears of Jumbos is the new breaks in the shuttle schedule, where the shuttle ceases to run for 40 minutes every few hours for drivers to gather their thoughts and to throw their empty coffee cups at that one kid with the glasses. Recounted freshman Matt Kuhn, “My friends all hung out one night, and I missed it because the shuttle was on a break when I was trying to get back from Davis!” When asked, Matt’s friends said they were relieved because Matt is always calling his grandma and won’t shut up about his gap year in Madrid.

However, not everything about the new Tufts shuttle, or “the pus bus,” is utter crap. The Boston Avenue shuttle, another service offered by the company, has seen a rapid increase in ridership with two whole passengers this semester thanks to a junior who had to go to SciTech for something this one time and a local who mistook it for the 96 bus. Additionally, many students have found the unreliability of the shuttle useful when hopping on to avoid your dad when he makes his surprise visit to give you “the talk.”

For now, students will have to continue putting up with all the inconveniences of the Tufts Shuttle, or “(Jeb) Bus(h),” with its unreliability and all those spiders. If you do have a complaint, administrators have recommended writing it in your diary or taking the real bus instead.