As our beloved Jumbo prepares to open his maw to accept the slew of 2020 graduates, members of the Class of 2019 still struggle with the age old question of college admissions. We talked to freshman` Holly Distler to find out why she thought she was admitted to the Tufts community.

Zamboni: So, Holly, why do you think you were allowed to pass the plant-like semi-permeable membrane that is Tufts admissions?

Holly: Well, before starting my application, I read Paper Towns by John Green and watched Almost Famous about 13 times. So needless to say, I was more than prepared to stand out. I’ve known my whole life I was different than the other girls in my grade. They wore plain shirts, I wore flannels. They idolized Kim Kardashian, I myself am a fan of Bjork. You probably don’t even know who that is.

Z: A famous Icelandic singer, I believe. How do you think your differences were made clear to the Tufts Community?

H: Well, Lee Coffin is a man. Just your typical, nerdy white guy who thinks teens are ungrateful punks. He probably expected to read an application saying that I got As in school and have 2.7 extracurriculars, but did not expect me, a 17 year old girl, to be dynamic! So few adults appreciate my intellect. I can solve problems through communication, not through “lol”s like my peers. Y’know?

Z: Sure. So now that you’re here, what contributions do you think you’ll make to our student body?

H: Tufts gets to be so monotonous. Everyone here is like a walking clone! Like hello, I am more than just a human girl, I am the entity of my own making. I am here to inspire, because I am not perfect. I have bad days, and I have overcome them. I am willing to give up my time to teach others to learn to love themselves. Accept yourself. Accept life!

Z: So you believe you can help others discover things they hadn’t known before?

H: Oh my god, yes. I’m just… not like the other girls. I’m quirky, I guess. I taught myself the ukulele and listen to really obscure bands like the Vampire Weekend. I cry when I’m sad, I don’t wear makeup sometimes. Different is beautiful. And beauty, well, is. Not all girls understand their potential, so to help increase awareness of femininity I would create a forum made entirely for complimenting women not on their looks, like social media encourages, but on their brains. Don’t talk about my face. See what is behind. So many girls are not reminded that they have valid personalities, so I see it as my responsibility to show them.

Z: That’s… touching. If you don’t mind me asking, what was your common app essay about?

H: Oh, well, the summer before my senior year, I went on this spiritual cultural emotional metaphysical psychological existential trip to Bolivia, where I went and learned about culture and poverty and struggle. Did you know that only 15% of their population has cellphones? The change of scenery really inspired me to live simply. I own half as many Lululemon headbands as I did this time last year, and I found this store called “Goodwill” where I can really feel like I’m integrating with the community, so I’d say I’m making a real positive lifestyle change.