MEDFORD, MA- Tufts Dining Services, the culinary branch of the Tufts University Administration, through a series of oddly-placed posters in the Dewick MacPhie dining hall this past week, announced their plans to convert the iconic Brown and Brew café into a strip club.

This strip club, whose name is to be decided upon via contest, will bring with it much-needed renovations to the current café, situated on the corner of College and Boston avenues.

The posters advertised that the “best part of Curtis Hall” would be outfitted with a larger stage, a three-foot-wide disco ball, and more potted plants. Bouncer services will be provided by the Tufts Fencing Team, and cocktails will be served from noon until midnight.

We have also learned that the new establishment will continue the Brown and Brew’s tradition of employing students, although no mention has been made yet as to what the wages will be.

“I think it’s a great idea and a step in the right direction,” commented Junior Michel Tanningbaum. “I have always seen the Brown and Brew as an underrated study space, and I think this upgrade will definitely get it the attention it deserves.”

To help us understand the nuances behind this bold new move, The Zamboni visited the offices of Tanya Mascary, the Area One Residence Director at Tufts. While she declined our request for an interview, she covertly slipped us the phone number of the Tufts Dining Services, the operating company of the Brown and Brew and the organization behind the change. She also gave us a key to a room in Houston Hall oddly packed with life-sized cutouts of Anthony Monaco.

When reached for comment, a spokesperson for Tufts Dining Services said they had no idea why there would be so many life-sized cutouts of the University President in existence. She then told us that the decision to convert the cafe had been made in an effort to compete with Harvard University whose blazingly successful new strip club, COCKY, has almost doubled the endowment of the institution.

The renovations to the future strip joint will be completed by the fall semester of 2016.