The psychology community was abuzz with excited chatter today over a new personality type assessment fresh out of the distinguished labs at Harvard. The new test, which claims almost flawless accuracy, is designed to allow researchers to determine which type of ice cream a given person is. “It’s really going to revolutionize the way we study the human brain,” says Carmen Sanchez, one of the project’s senior researchers. “We have been looking at people using outdated models like Myers-Briggs, and I think the new generation of psychologists is ready to make this change.”

Lindsay Williams, one of the first to be evaluated by researchers using this new test, says the results surprised her. “I wasn’t expecting to be Rocky Road, because I have always seen it as such a masculine ice cream,” Williams says, “But then I read that us Rocky Roads are people who compromise fairly and try to be nice to everyone, but that sometimes we can lash out when we feel hurt. That’s me, you know? I can relate to that.” She went on to say that Rocky Roads are known to “perform well under pressure,” but that sometimes they “feel overworked”, just like she does. “It’s funny because my boyfriend got Strawberry,” she adds, “which is my favorite ice cream flavor. Not a lot of people know that about me.”

Sanchez and her team are not done leading the way for the psychology community. Also announced today was a new collaboration with the history department of UCLA to determine which era of history a subject should have lived in. “It’s groundbreaking research, and it’s too early to say anything for sure,” Sanchez says. “We have also been looking into a collaboration with our sociology department ‘Which TV Sitcom Friend Group is Most Like Yours?’, but at this time they fail to see the need for the study.”

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Judith Grossman is a Tufts Zamboni Contributor and Author who lives in Houston, TX ironically with her two small dogs. She is most like Chocolate ice cream because she sometimes gets overlooked, but she has great ideas and is always ready to comfort her friends. She is single and looking, DL white 130 5’4 C u host ;)