Medford–Tufts Administration officials have announced that they are launching a full-scale investigation into Carmichael Dining Hall proceedings after reports that members of the dining hall staff may have hacked into student iCloud accounts.

Boston-Area news outlets began airing the story this morning, after Medford police revealed that 3 chefs had been brought into custody at around 2 am this morning. Reports say that the alleged chef-hackers stole hundreds of embarrassing high school photos and Photo Booth selfies, intending to use them to blackmail students into writing positive reviews of the dining hall cuisine.

The dining hall, which in recent years has been losing much ground to downhill rival Dewick MacPhie, made headlines at the end of the summer for their high-profile hiring of WikiLeaks co¬founder Julian Assange, who announced he would come out of hiding to run the prestigious uphill restaurant. In a highly controversial 60 Minutes interview, Carmichael President Peter Kourafalos admitted that a major consideration in Mr. Assange’s hiring was the money the dining hall would save due to Assange’s “Work-Study” status.

In an impromptu question and answer on the front steps of Gifford House, Tufts president Anthony Monaco said, “It is my hope that Tufts students will take this as a learning experience, and that after the fear of having those “chubby-phase” selfies being spread across social media, students will grow up and realize there’s a lot more to be concerned about than god¬damn air-conditioning.”