By Beth-Anne Phetamine

6.  Murder  – While a very cool crime, Murder is a little overused. Any old sap who has watched CSI or Cops has heard of Murder. It is over-glorified by the bags of bones up in corner offices in Hollywood, and unless it has a cool motive it is horribly overdone.

5. Tax Evasion – Tax evasion has made the #5 spot on our list for one reason: defying the government is sick as hell. There is nothing more punk than not filing paperwork so that you can keep your entire $10 / hour Cold Stone Creamery paycheck without letting Uncle Sam get his grubby paws all over your wallet.

4. Impersonating a Doctor – Just think about it: what’s the only thing cooler than being a criminal? Being able to wear those blue doctor suits! The ones with the little scrunched up shoes and dumb hats. Pretending to be a doctor also earns you great benefits, such as cutting in line at the amusement park and prescribing opiates to old women.

3. Mayhem – 

2. Grand Theft Auto – Like most crimes, Grand Theft Auto is a victimless crime that earns you tons of respect. Nothing is cooler than driving a car and not having to worry about that pesky car insurance. Grand Theft Auto is cooler than most other crimes because it can be done in a pickup truck (bonus points if you don’t have a driver’s license).

1. DUI – The pinnacle of the crime world – DUIs are so cool because they mix the two coolest things on earth: cars and being drunk. Nothing screams “I’m king of the world!” like slamming three Four Lokos in your step dad’s 2007 Honda Accord. I have not done this.