Toto’s hit song “Africa” is easily one of the greatest works of art of the last century. Its influence is palpable, even gaining popularity in the Americas (both South and North). However, despite its monolithic presence in contemporary society, I have recently discovered a critical flaw in Toto’s anthem, which many avid listeners seem to overlook. This blunder is sure to disturb even the most diehard Toto enthusiasts, and thus the reader is advised to have several sanitary options at the ready before reading further.

Regarding his motivation to reunite with his beloved, Toto claims that “there’s nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do.” I have but a single qualm with this assertion: Toto appears to be implying that a group of men would be able to thwart Toto, precisely when that group happens to contain fewer than one hundred men. I, for one, believe that this proposition is quite preposterous. If, say, twenty-eight men were able to somehow prevent Toto from reaching his “special someone,” then surely a posse of one hundred and fifty-five dudes could easily accomplish this same feat; Toto would certainly be no match at all for these foes, would he not?

Alas, how can we, as mere listeners, reconcile this obvious faux pas? Worry not, my dear home-boys! I have found a truly breathtaking solution, one which is sure to “take your breath away.” Have you figured it out yet? Of course you haven’t, you silly gibbon! You are clearly unable to solve the present conundrum, and so I will bestow the answer upon your feeble ass. My thesis is thus: there must be no quantity of men that can defeat the mighty Toto! Aha! Surely you must now understand just how asinine you truly are. Only a fool would believe that those twenty-eight scoundrels could possibly outmaneuver the fearsome Toto! You call yourself a loyal subject of Toto? Ha, you are nothing but absolute scum! Get out of my vehicle, swine! Please exit my vehicle sir.