Blowjob Berta stole my date.
But I don’t care.
Crusty Steve shared his flask with me in the bathroom.
Dorky dweebs are dancing.I bob and weave to say hi to Goober.
He doesn’t see me.
Poggy’s still in the limo with you-know-whomst.
It dawns on me that I’m really here alone.
I’ve never seen Jolly Jimmy cry.He was Berta’s date.
I can’t bring myself to console him.
I just sit beside him and watch him sob into his handkerchief.
They start playing “Cotton-Eyed Joe.”
I leave Jimmy to dance next to Goober.Goober’s date’s friend is having some kind of “dilemma.”
Goober and I are crushing it on the dancefloor.
We request “Hey Ya” but the DJ says he’s not allowed to play a song that uses the word “cum-uh.”
We go back to the bathroom to see if we can get any more of Steve’s mystery liquid. The bathroom is strangely empty except someone’s moaning in the stall. Could be a sexual moan or maybe not. It sounds like he’s by himself.
Goober bangs on the door.
“Steve stop groping your gill-sac and give us your flask.”
The moaning continues.
Goober kicks open the door despite my protests.
It’s not Crusty Steve.
Jolly Jimmy is blowing chunks and needs someone to hold his hair back.
But it’s too late.
Chicken and Penne is all over his luscious locks.
Jolly Jimmy turns around to look at us.
Holy shit, it’s not even Jolly Jimmy.
Wait, what the fuck.
Who is this drunk girl?
Does she even go to our school?
She starts to stand up.
Goober says “Um, are you OK?”
She says “Kiss my ass, blubber boy! HA HA HA HA!” A bone-chilling laugh.
“Goober, I think we should get out of here,” I say.
“Blubber boy? I’m actually pretty hot so you obviously have no taste.”
Scary Girl moves like a feline predator and rips Goober apart.
Blood covers the bathroom mirror.
I run out of the bathroom.
They’re not allowed to play “Hey Ya,” but they’re playing “Get Low?”
Poggy’s back.
“Hey! Goober just got totaled!” Poggy shakes her head. “Let’s just leave early. Why would they choose this venue for prom if we’re barred from seeing the fish anyway?”
Nasty, nasty, nasty.