Aries: Check your privilege as a male. You’re paid 30 cents more than women on the whole and the government isn’t policing your body!

Taurus: Check your privilege as a hipster. Many people are mainstream because they don’t have the time or resources to mason jar it all or keep up a record collection in 2016. Some aren’t just submitting to “the man,” but rather to a less complicated existence on the whole.

Gemini: Check your privilege as an English speaker!!! It’s one of the hardest languages in the world so if you’re fluent, you’re ahead of a lot of the world.

Virgo: Check your privilege as a Christian. It’ll never be that uncomfortable for you to swear to tell the whole truth in a courtroom, and you can blissfully ignore the lack of good holiday songs for Jews, Muslims, Hindus, and Buddhists.

Libra: Check your straight privilege. If you think it’s hard to find a decent partner, imagine having your selection pool diminished by 95%.

Scorpio: Check your privilege as someone with Netflix. Some people don’t have the resources to watch all of Scrubs, The Office, and Parks and Recreation in six weeks, so stop bugging them about it.

Sagittarius: Check your spelling of privilege. There’s no D in it, be careful.

Capricorn: Check your attractiveness privilege. If you are not a gelatinous sea monster, congratulations! Success is imminent for you.

Aquarius: If you have a Fjallraven or Herschel backpack, check yo privilege. Maroon, grey, and navy don’t look good on everyone!

Pisces: Check your literacy privilege. I assume you’ve read this, and not had it read aloud to you.

Leo: Check your unlimited meal plan privilege. We can’t all go into Carm for just a cup of coffee and some soft serve, for some of us every swipe is the difference between life and death.

Cancer: Check the privilege of those around you. They will be thankful that you are humbling and critiquing them in a world where PC culture is fluid and dynamic.