Martinique felt so lucky to be engaged. Being a Mormon is really hard, but some of that sweet sweet sexual activity would be right around “the bend.”
“I’ve always wanted to drink oyster sauce out of a size 13 Jordan,” Martinique said as she ladled spring water into her waterbed. “And you know what they say- big shoes, big dick.” But actually, Martinique’s fiancé had a micropenis. It was so small that she had to squint when imagining it. After spending several hours squinting, rubbing, and moaning by herself, Martinique called it quits and resumed studying scripture with her unwashed hands. Her wedding was tomorrow night- and with it would come a micropenis all too real.
As her head hit the pillow, she immediately fell asleep and dreamt of nothing but micropenis. Her house, in her dream, was a large micropenis. Her pet was a micropenis. She was surrounded by micropenis. She awoke in a cold sweat.
With newfound determination in her eyes, Martinique crossed to the window and threw open the blinds, reflecting with compunction upon her yard. She knew now what she must do. She promptly shat a small, well-formed turd on her well manicured grass.
Suddenly, her dreams came true. A size 13 Nike Jordan filled with oyster sauce appeared out of thin air.She drank the sweet, sweet nectar of the shellfish. At the bottom of the Nike Jordan was a micropenis.
“Ah, how the fates have made a fool of me once more!” screamed Martinique to the heavens.