A classic Italian sport known as Calcio Fiorentino is making its way stateside next summer. The sport, which is essentially a combination of rugby and illegal street fighting, is considered a frontrunner to replace traditional American football in the near future.

The rules of the game are relatively unclear even to veteran players of the game, but viewings of various games have revealed that the existence of referees is unclear, and if they do exist, they are solely there to prevent people from brutally murdering each other, rather than actually enforcing any rules. Perhaps they serve as rugby referees and then just sort of let the fist-fights happen? Again, it’s unclear. There is seriously no non-negligible amount of time where players are all focused on ball movement and no fights are happening.

The fighting style is as haphazard as the game itself. Players on opposing teams seem to seek each other out at random and begin swinging wildly. On the rare occasions proper fighting techniques appear, there is certain destruction for the opponent. It’s not unlike what you may imagine a drunk Little League dad fighting an in-his-prime Muhammad Ali is like. These fights happen throughout the field of play, regardless of where the ball is actually located.

Further adding to the confusion is the lack of noticeable uniforms. Most players appear to be shirtless, with only different colors of embroidered pants distinguishing teams. In the heat of the moment, these uniforms are easy to lose. How the contestants manage to avoid fighting teammates is a resounding mystery.

So why does a sport that seems to make little sense and involve such disparities in skill seem to be poised to take over the nation’s most prominent sport? It’s being pushed by some of the biggest fans of the NFL. As we can only presume that Calcio Fiorentino is only played by the incredibly drunk, it’s the type of game that can easily be organized by even the most simple-minded among us. Said internet commenter yolandaqueen69, “The nfl is being wussified, just like this COUNTRY !!!it’s all NOBama’s fault, hes been leading the way with all his LBGT PANDERING!!! Even though i prefer america asmuch as the next guy, these italians have the right idea. Rather then turning the players into PUSSIES like they do now, they encurage BIG HITS,,the way the game should be.” Wise words indeed.

One thing that does need to be addressed, according to the game’s core supporters, is the blatantly non-English name. According to the leader of the American Calcio Fiorentino Association, Raviolo Mcqzyki, “No core NFL supporter will be interested in a game with an Italian name that they’d struggle to pronounce. We have to find a new name for the game.

After that, we think that we’ll have a very successful league on our hands. Over time, more and more football fans will see things our way.” Another issue which Mcqzyki did not address is that the game is considered so intense in Italy that it is only played once a year, whereas it would require 16 regular season games in addition to 3 or 4 postseason games yearly so as to replace traditional football.

Although we can’t be sure of the league’s future, we think that the league’s supporters are on to something, and that the situation is one very much worth watching in the near future. If there’s anything that the American public has shown an unlimited interest in, it is unfettered violence disguised as sport.