Hillbrook Elementary third grader Kelsey Grammer was seen being dropped off at school this morning by her father Grant instead of her pajama-clad mother, Diane. Kelsey reportedly screamed to her entire class that Diane had flown to Mexico with Kelsey’s college-aged guitar instructor Frank, and that Grant had not been invited to join them.

“Daddy was screaming at Mommy when she left for the airport yesterday morning,” Kelsey yelled, despite our reporters being mere inches away from her, “and was saying how he never gets to have three sons anymore. I don’t get that because last time Mommy talked about babies Daddy said he had a ‘disectomy.’ I think that means he had a frog tell him not to make more babies.”

Grant was seen at the car wash later that day refusing to get out of his car as it went through the spongey string contraption, insisting that he sit inside that car blasting Hilary Duff ’s “Come Clean.”

Meanwhile Diane and Frank uploaded 27 selfies to Facebook within three hours of their flight landing that only featured the tops of their heads, and our journalists are still not sure if the body crop was intentional or not. Frank’s mother posted a comment to the post in Portuguese but the translate feature on Facebook was down, so a translation could not be obtained.

Kelsey has reported that while making dinner last night, Grant just chanted the word “bitch” over and over again to the tune of “Eye Of The Tiger,” but also forgot how that song went halfway through and transitioned into the final chorus of “Don’t Stop Believin’.” This then devolved into him sobbing on the couch in the TV room. Kelsey reportedly asked if she could watch The Powerpuff Girls, but her dad took a slightly different route and compromised their interests, instead putting on The Power Bottom Girls.

Diane and Frank have been live tweeting their trip in the meantime, with Diane describing their first encounter with a Mexican, noting “I’m documenting my experiences with diversity because he can’t get documentation in our country. Thanks, Obama.” “Friane” then had a full twitter fight with the burrito place they got kicked out of, reportedly because Diane commented on the size of her burrito and Frank answered, “that’s almost as big as my burrito.” This did not get them kicked out, Diane’s response did: “Ha! Your burrito! Like your dick! What if your dick was a burrito, babe? Good thing I like sour cream, huh babe? Good thing I eat your dick burrito huh babe?”

When asked about her mom’s return, Kelsey explained, “I don’t know when Mommy’s coming back, but she said she got my name tattooed on her. I think she called it a Gramp Stamp, which I don’t get because grandpa died last year. Daddy told me he would get a tattoo of my name too, but last time he had to get a shot at the doctor he cried for two hours so I don’t know if that’ll work out.”