CLEVELAND, OH: The Republican National Convention has finally achieved orgasm after four strenuous days of circle jerking. The RNC stands as a monument to the Republican Party’s strong values, sense of dedication, and despise of Hillary Clinton. Every four years a man is chosen to lead the theme of the circle jerk, and this year it was star of The Apprentice, and self-proclaimed “most humble,” Donald Trump. Donald Trump has no prior experience leading a circle jerk, but he started a successful business empire after being handed millions of dollars and is a star on the lowest rated basic cable network. As Donald Trump put it, “Same thing. You don’t even know how similar those two industries are.”

At first, he did not appeal to most of the Republican Party leaders. A delegate stated, “I just don’t think the kids will find him attractive. I really thought they wanted someone like Jeb ! to lead them through the circle jerk.” Another delegate put it, “I initially never found Trump that hot, but I was finally able to bust a nut when I began thinking about a future with Hillary.”

The party leaders may not have supported Trump, but many of the working class have. When Donald came on stage at the end of the week, the audience erupted in applause. “I just want to be cradled in his moist fleshy arms,” a supporter said, “as he tells me how he has plans to solve all the problems.” Trump stated,” American can no longer erect; I will make America erect again. I’ll erect walls so no one can stop us erecting.” Truly this is a man who makes you feel something, even if he doesn’t understand what he’s feeling, because he goes with his gut, and his gut is telling him to just read passages from Mein Kampf.

There was a brief freeze of the circle jerk when Ted Cruz tried to start his own. “I almost didn’t get there when Ted Cruz came on stage. When I saw him speaking I was like, you know what this convention is about, stop trying to start your own jerk from the beginning and just join this one.” Ted Cruz was not reached for climax.