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In Unforseen Act, Vatican Grants Papal Bull to Spanish Monarchy

THE VATICAN- To the astonishment of experts around the globe, Pope Sixtus V has approved a recent request from the King and Queen of Spain.

The implementation of the new Papal bull will allow the Spanish government to maintain a Catholic orthodoxy in the country, to the exclusion of all other religious practices. Those not in conformance with the orthodoxy (termed “heretics” by the bull) will be forced to convert or leave the country.

The ruling couple had formally made the request weeks before for a holy charter, reportedly allowing for the establishment of a new institution to combat heresy among the country’s religious population. However, it had garnered little attention in the public eye at the time.

The few theologians and political analysts who picked up the story displayed great certainty that such a charter would never be approved, let alone implemented. Most of those interviewed admitted to never even having read the proposal, citing reasons such as, “No one believes that the Pope would fulfill the requests of a foreign power.”

Now that Pope Sixtus has made his intentions clear, the world is baffled. According to a recent Gallup poll, 100% of respondents had no idea that such a thing would come to pass, and none of those polled reported being at all prepared for the creation of the new institution.

“I don’t know what I thought this year would have in store,” said one concerned Spanish citizen. “But whatever it was, it wasn’t a widespread persecution of our Jewish population.”

Currently, numerous human rights groups have begun ocusing their efforts on this decree. They appear to be taking the situation very seriously, with one spokesperson commenting, “I sincerely hope that the gravity of this is not lost on the international community. We are talking about the nationwide imprisonment and execution of an entire ethnoreligious group. It would be an absolute shame if such an atrocity were turned into a running gag by a mediocre sketch comedy show – or worse, an internet meme.”

At press time, several of Monty Python’s writers were seen rubbing their hands together craftily and muttering something about a “new catchphrase”.