Advice

Welcome to College, Please Do Not Slurp Your Soup

Greetings First Year,

My name is Ben, and I write to you today to teach a lesson that I learned the hard way. That lesson, of course, is that no matter how good it feels, you must not slurp your soup.

I know what you’re probably thinking. “I slurp. I have always slurped, and I will continue to slurp until my teeth fall out.” Oh, so naïve! That was totally fine in middle and high school, but college is an entirely different field of wheat.

We serve an array of different soups at this institution. Tomato soup, clam chowder, and several cereals are available to students (if you need convincing that cereal is a soup, please read my article Cereal Is a Kind of Soup and Here’s the Reason Why). No matter the soup, however, Tufts Dining functions because of an unspoken understanding, namely that you should eat your soups carefully, deliberately, and without a loud sloppy sucking noise.

Of course, you do not need to heed my advice. You could certainly ignore this wisdom I share. But when you start getting nasty looks and realize it’s because you have been slovenly sloshing in your slurpy sloppy slew of soups, don’t say I didn’t warn you.