Congratulations! You have arrived at Tufts as an innocent freshman… oh what are we talking about kids these days are just as fucked up as the rest of us. Anyway, if you are an incoming freshman, here are six quirky tips just for you:

1. Your “community development advisers” or whatever they’re now calling themselves now are RA’s : Period. The only acceptable names for them are “RA,” “Narc”, their first name, the nickname that bullies used to call them as a kid, or maybe, “Heeeyy is your name heeyy” if you can pull it off. None of this “community development” bullshit.
2. Anthony Monaco is the BEST president: for further proof,  check out this website: https://www.reddit.com/r/The_Monaco/
3. Empty Paper Towel Rolls Make Great Toilet Plungers: Do I really need an explanation? When you clog a toilet in your freshman dorm don’t panic, just follow this tip. Otherwise, blame it on the guy across the hall who was too drunk last night for anyone to believe that it wasn’t him.
4. Do NOT post in the Tufts memes group more than once or twice a semester: Do you want everyone on campus to know who you are all of the time? I didn’t think so, now stay off that memes page! Contrary to popular belief, you can pass Comp11 or Ec5 without making 3 memes per week about the class.
5. If you have a class at 574 Boston Ave, wake up three hours before your class, and arrive at the airport one hour early: The plane ride to 574 Boston Ave isn’t that long, but security lines can be a pain, especially if you have a morning class. If you want to make sure you are not late, wake up three hours before your class, and uber to Logan Airport. Carpooling to limit the costs of doing this twice a week is a good idea.
6. Learn to Make Yourself Feel More Important Than You Probably Are: We take being quirky seriously. Tufts offers many resources for making yourself feel important, whether it is joining TCU Senate and making resolutions which will be overturned by the administration; joining one of Tufts 50,000 esteemed a capella groups, or maybe by writing “edgy” articles for The Zamboni which maybe a hundred people will find in their dorm bathroom and skim through.

Good Luck!