LOWELL, MASS. – Suspicions of preteens sneakily ditching classes at Lowell Middle School have been confirmed as of December 4, says a source in the administrative office. With the first snowfall that arrived late Tuesday evening, the fresh powder welcomed students to school the next day, and more fell throughout the first few hours of class. While on a walk around campus during fourth period to make sure everyone was in class, recess attendant Yolanda Jutsper noticed fresh footprints in the otherwise-untouched slush by the basketball hoops. Noticing that the footprints were pointed away from the school building, Ms. Jutsper went to investigate a potential hooky situation. As she meandered towards the gate marking the school’s boundary, she saw more footprints being silently pressed into the ground covering. Walking briskly, she reached the end of the footprints, with no one in sight and no footprints leading back towards the school or out to the parking lot. Curious, she kept walking, and suddenly bumped into a beanbag-sized invisible lump, which cried out the characteristic preteen mating call, “Yo mama so fat, she left the house in high heels and came back in flip flops!” Realizing what had happened, Jutsper reached out and grabbed the 7th graders to take them to the principal’s office for reprimanding. Their invisibility cloak was confiscated, and a corresponding Marauder’s Map found on campus later that day.