President Sarah Palin’s 100-day action plan to Make America Great One More Time

Features | November 16, 2016

*FIRST, mandate The Simpsons as the national TV show.

*SECOND, Move the capital to Anchorage, Alaska. Vladimir and Donald have fostered such a close relationship that this only makes sense.

*THIRD, come up with a military plan to reclaim California after Calexit.

*FOURTH, bring down the wall that Canada has built on our borders. Such actions are not acceptable. Justin Trudeau may be attractive but he can’t do that.

*FIFTH, neutralize and provide American citizenship to Eddie Redmayne.

*SIXTH, ban the abusive treatment of zoo animals – especially of gorillas.

*SEVENTH, repeal and replace Obamacare Act

*EIGHTH, reinstate the Eighteenth Amendment

*NINTH, work on bettering Make America Great Act

* TENTH, end the Patriots’ dominance in the AFC East and the NFL by suspending Brady for 2 years.

*ELEVENTH, make Madonna great again

*TWELFTH, lift restrictions on the production of $50 trillion dollars’ worth of American energy reserves, including shale, oil, natural gas and clean coal.

*THIRTEENTH, restrict government student loans

*FOURTEENTH, make the molestation of trash cans banned (ban the molestation of trash cans)

*FIFTEENTH, make tattooing illegal unless it is done for medical purposes

*SIXTEENTH, protect the Second Amendment by legalizing water guns on New Year’s Eve in Cambodia

*SEVENTEENTH, divert all the National Institutes of Health funding to discover the answer to whether the chicken or the egg came first

*EIGHTEENTH, instate Tinder Extra Swipe Tax Act

*NINETEENTH, all names must sound “American.” The rules for American names will be published later.

*TWENTIETH, end funding for Planned Parenthood. Condoms, however, will be provided free to everyone.

*TWENTY-FIRST, ban vaccination