OMAHA, NE – Local Chili’s employee Robert Macklin went outside to empty the restaurant’s trash and was startled to find Gary Johnson giving his concession speech for the presidency. Macklin said that the presidential wannabe’s “glassy eyes” and “gecko-like mouth” made him immediately recognizeable. “It was pretty exciting, mostly because he paid me thirty dollars to stay and watch,” reported Macklin. Other audience members included two used condoms, three homeless men, and a handful of families looking for an affordable, tasty meal on a Wednesday evening.

The mood was somber, more due to the 3 for Me Ten-Dollar Specials that had just been ingested than Trump’s victory.

“I want to thank my supporters first of all,” said Johnson, before stepping aside to allow a family of five to enter their Honda Odyssey. “Your support means so much to me, and it is truly humbling to see all these faces out here today.”

“I want to wish Mr. Trump the best of luck, and we will continue to help him build up this country by demanding lower taxes, remaining ignorant of that one former President of Mexico, and smoking lots of weed.” The former governor continued.  “Remember there is hope for the future!  We won in a landslide among wealthy 16-year-olds who liked Ayn Rand, Adam Smith, and Bob Marley on Facebook.”

There was relative peace throughout the event, with the exception of one hangry man who yelled, “You’ll never be President!” on his way into the restaurant. Johnson responded, “What is that?”

Chili’s staffers eventually escorted Governor Johnson and his supporters off the premises, but he took it in stride, lighting a joint and calling “Let’s go to the Olive Garden, everyone!  This is how a capitalist society works!”

At press time, Johnson could be found sobbing the word Aleppo into a half-eaten sandwich.