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Cambridge to Secede from the Union, Somerville Expected to Follow Suit

Amid anti-Trump protests in Central, Kendall, and Harvard Squares, Cambridge residents and scholars led by anarcho-syndicalist and MIT linguist Noam Chomsky announced their plan to put forward legislation allowing Cambridge, MA to secede from the United States of America. Organizers of the new “Yes Cambridge” campaign cited the president elect’s announcement to “relocate the nerds and other losers to the fields” as the spark that ignited the movement. Some neighboring cities are expected to follow suit.

Tufts University Professor of Linguistics and Cognitive Studies, Ray Jackendoff, once Chomsky’s graduate student and golden boy, announced his support on the condition that Chomsky reconsider his position on Constructionist Syntax. Tufts University’s student body is expected to lead the charge for Somerville’s secession campaign pending a resolution to this decades-long feud. Medford residents are reportedly “not sure what this is about but hope it will keep away those yuppie kids.”