Make lots of loud jokes and remarks during the mandatory assemblies. For example, if a student speaker is going on about the effects of alcohol, yell “But alcohol gets you, like, mad turnt,” or something like that. It will be sure to attract attention, and it will earn you 5-7 new friends.
Show up hungover to as many assemblies as you can. It takes focus and preparation to persevere through that Friday morning class with a bad hangover. Orientation assemblies will give you the opportunity to get in the practice that you need.
During anything related to sexual assault, bring in a cup of tea and sip it quietly during the speech. You might not understand why now, but you will thank me later. You will get 4-14 new friends.
Buy a big-ass fan. It will earn you 10-15 friends.
Pretend that you are interested in joining an acapella group, and then go back to never talking about acapella once orientation ends. This will earn you 30-35 new friends.
Bring a hoverboard. Sure, they’re banned on campus, but you will look like a badass who isn’t afraid to violate campus laws. It will earn you 30-50 new friends.
Make a monetary donation to the Tufts Zamboni. It will earn you 500-1000 new friends.
