SPRINGFIELD, IL: Springfield’s most popular P.F. Chang’s restaurant was thrown into turmoil today as Larry David entered the revolving door for lunch but was unable to enter the restaurant. The crisis lasted nearly two hours, but luckily the Zamboni was on the scene to get the exclusive story.
At approximately 1:45 PM on Springfield’s Main Street, Lawrence Gene “Larry” David, head writer of Seinfeld and creator and star of the hit HBO show Curb Your Enthusiasm, walked into the P.F. Chang’s for a quick meal of orange chicken and shrimp. Rather, he tried to, but could not pass through to the other side of the revolving door.
P.F. Chang’s patrons and local passersby confirmed that the two-time Primetime Emmy Award winner entered the revolving door and began pushing on the door to move forward and eat his succulent P.F. Chang’s. However, it seemed the momentum of the door was too great, increasing the revolutions to a velocity at which David could not push his scrawny Jewish body through to the vestibule.
By the time our reporters arrived on the scene, Larry David had been trapped in the revolving door for as long as 45 minutes, and had traveled an estimated 1,350 rotations. When reached for comment, Mr. David exclaimed “this is unbelievable! Somebody help me, please! I’m trapped in this revolving door! I just wanted to get some orange chicken!” Onlookers appeared to be too appalled by the scene to intervene, yet did not hesitate to take videos of Larry David’s struggle.
After two hours of spinning, at roughly 3:50 PM, firefighters and paramedics arrived on the scene. First responders appeared disgruntled at having to deal with such an incident, as one firefighter entered the revolving door at a different section than David and promptly brought the spinning doors to a halt, guiding Mr. David’s section to face the outdoors. Other firefighters and paramedics rushed in to rescue the former writer for Saturday Night Live, pick him up, and wrap him in blankets. Mr. David was overheard complaining that his feet hurt, and was taken by ambulance to St. John’s Hospital on E. Carpenter Street and was examined for injuries. He was found to be in stable condition, and was discharged by dinner time.