Medford/Somerville – Much like rampant lice outbreaks and that weird smell from outside Miller, housing has always been an issue on Tufts Campus, and this year has been no exception. Thanks to an unfortunate game of “odds are,” the admissions department accepted roughly 200 more students into the class of 2019 than usual, and Reslife is scrambling (eggs) to find space to house all the students, with far from perfect results.

Jenny Ullman, a freshman from Baltimore, was surprised to learn that her Lewis Hall single was just a four foot square drawn in chalk in the hallway. “At first I was like alright, at least it’s indoors, but I keep getting written up for creating a fire hazard with my stuff,” said Ullman, who is currently on probationary level 2. But the problems don’t end with Jenny.

“I got to my room on the first day, only to find my roommate was three cats,” said freshman Jeffery Wu, whose South Hall roommate Robert Flanagan is just three cats. “How did this even happen? Wouldn’t someone notice that this person is just cats? What?”

Many students have tried to complain to Reslife empress Yolanda King to receive better rooms, or in some cases, rooms that aren’t made of cardboard and located on the Academic quad. Unfortunately, Yolanda King took a vow of silence in July thanks to an unfortunate game of “odds are,” and has directed many of her position’s responsibilities to a random number generator app on her phone, which students have claimed makes solving issues “mildly difficult” and “hard as dicks.”

Reslife isn’t the only body to blame for the chaos. President Anthony Monaco has commandeered 8 rooms in Houston Hall to house life-sized cardboard cutouts of himself.

“Why do we need rooms to hold these things? Are you kidding me?” said Ari Hansen-Wood, who is living in a double being used as a triple with Reggie “Me? Shower?” Carson and Ted “I love carrots but they give me gas” Gomez. Ari went on to mention that Monaco would sometimes stand in the hallway beside a cutout and make students play “guess the real Tony!