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Zamboni’s Guide to ABC Parties

Perhaps you’ve heard of the current Greek Life Trend—the ABC Party. This party, more commonly known as an Anything But Clothes Party, does not actually feature individuals arriving nude (though they may often end the night that way), but rather encour- ages the party-goers to make an outfit for the evening out of anything other than clothing.

If you have heard of these parties, you’re probably familiar with the typical approach most sorority girls take: trash-bag skirts, pillow- case tunics, and shower-curtain bodycon dresses. However, if you are looking to dress a little outside the box (literally you could wear a box) for your upcoming ABC party, The Zamboni has a list of costumes for you that are sure to slay.

Tortilla Tits and Naughty Bits:

Show up to the party wearing nothing but tortillas on your “private parts.” Because tortillas absorb water easily, once you get into the sweaty bump and grind of the fiesta, the tortilla should adhere itself to your skin fairly well. The downside of this costume, is when the late-night munchies kick in, your outfit could disappear. Or is this an upside…

Natural Fibers:

If you are a lady with particularly long hair, or a gentleman with a particularly long beard, or even better, an individual with particularly long hair and a particularly long beard (read: Dumbledore), you may want to consider showing up to the party wearing just your own hair. If you condition well and often, the silken feeling of your own natural hair will make your skin tingle and the accessible breeze can make your other parts tingle as well.

Declined:

If you don’t fall under the category of a “$uper Rich Kid,” and are actually in lots of debt, tape all of your current cards over your body to create the clothing item of your choice. Spread them all as thin as possible to get yourself covered.

Stolen Mink Stole:

This is a costume for risk-takers. Chances are, you don’t actu- ally own a mink stole of your own. If you do, you are not only a douche, but you are also irrelevant because a mink stole is technically an item of clothing and you couldn’t wear it to an ABC party anyway. However, you can locate the nearest mink farm near you, sneak there in the dead of night, and attempt to wrangle as many minkii as possible. If you rubber-band them together, you can create a beautiful live mink stole to wear to the party. This will not only get you noticed, but will also ward off any unwanted attention, all while making a statement about the cruel fur industry itself. (Note: Minkii are expensive. If you do not have access to a mink or two, ferrets can make a nice substitute.)

$uper Rich Kids:

Tape Daddy’s old credit cards into one plastic dress or a pair of highly uncomfortable shorts.

ABC costume:

As you know ABC can also stand for “Already Been Chewed.” We encourage you to chew as much gum as you can, or pick it off the sidewalks, and desks nearest you, and form a gooey, but adhesive ABC costume for your ABC party