News

New Night Club Erected

BOSTON, MA—Better get ready to step up your game, Boston, as a new night club will be entering your ranks early this winter. The ever-famous Phallus Palace, of Dallas, TX, has been confirmed to be opening up a satellite branch downtown. “It will be an interesting adjustment,” comments Phallus Palace’s Alice Fingerton, “But I definitely think that there is a place in Boston for our famous southern charm.”

However, the opening hasn’t been eagerly anticipated by other area club owners. “Southern charm?” said a huffy Daniel McShortstack, of the infamous Spleendor, “Word is that at Phallus Palace, malice is the policy. If you ask me, Phallus Palace’ll be ballast for this club scene: dead weight.”

Ballast or not, this new club appears to be bringing in a lot of great events before Christmas. According to Fingerton, “We’ll have deals and theme nights for the ages, like our incredibly popular (and collectable!) Phallus Palace chalices! You drink it, you keep it! Or our night for the older folks, Phallus Palace Dialysis night, where we even hand out specially ordered Phallus Palace Cialis.” Fingerton also continued to hint at other events that are still under wraps, such as Phallus Palace Talisman nights, for the gentlemen. “Plus, soon Boston will be no stranger to what we in Dallas refer to as a Phallus Palace callus,” Fingerton finished with a giggle.

This winter, you can decide for yourself if Phallus Palace will inspire a new genre of nightclub or if its chubby will slowly fade like notorious failures such as Darned Socks and Minutia. Coming soon!