Features

A Day in the Life of the Acorn Head Statue

6am: Dawn breaks and the brilliant colors of the sunrise fade to a soft light that is cast upon my visage. The air is cool and the dewy grass around me provides a cushion for my head and my thoughts. I reflect upon the beauty of Mother Earth and the stillness of a calm morning and—wtf turn off that fukin lawnmower what the fuck is wrong with u r u kiddin me its 6 in the fuckin morning im goin 2 kill u stop wakin everybody up u stupid lil bitch its to early 4 this shit

10:30am: Happiness swirls around me as cheery crowds head off to start their day of learn- ing. I hope their brains can expand with new knowledge and ideas. Oh, how I watch the eager bounce in their step. Poetry fills my mind. Perhaps, a haiku!

Longing for the walks
Of my forest childhood
With mother acorn

Nestled in the leaves
Snow falling like Earth’s good grace
Sun low in the winter sky

Reminiscing slow
Yearning the clutch of my youth
Someone just scratch my balls

4:30pm: As the afternoon sun rests low in the sky, boots crunch over fallen leaves and autumn beckons with its warm glow and sweet scent. Above me a baby bird is born; I hear its cry. Oh how beautiful life is! Oh how fragile! Oh how—who the fuck are you don’t fuckn stand next to me??? Ur blockin my view what r you doing here?? Ugh sersiouly R u fukin kidding me dont put that shitty ass chalk drawing here gtfo no i wont fuckin vote u for senate who do you think u r no ones gonna vote ur punk ass for snate gtfo go fuk urself shit my nose itches ugh my nose…

11pm: The night is calm and quiet save for the soft, crisp voices of birds settling down and the slight whisper of the wind through the leaves. This most peaceful time allows me ponder on my SYMPTOMS OF GONORRHEA, INCLUDING DISCOLORED DISCHARGE FROM THE PE- NIS, PAIN OR BURNING DURING URINATION, AND SWOLLEN TESTICLES OR THROAT GLANDS. IF YOU EXPERIENCE ANY OF THESE SYMPTOMS CONTACT YOUR LOCAL HEALTHCARE PROVIDER IMMEDIATELY TO GET TESTED.